I'm stubling here

"To kill joy, as many of the texts I cite in the following pages teach us, is to open a life, to make room for life, to make room for possibility, for chance." (Ahmed, "The Promise of Happiness" 20) Great! My joy is killed by the chapter and the 8.4 ℃, but where's the room for life?

Sometimes I feel annoyed when the scholars of cultural studies always try to challenge our conception of "norm." I live my happy life but they keep challenging my happiness or morality. Why do I think it's a happy life? Why do I think taking drugs is deviant? Damn it! Cannot I be happy just because of shopping? Cannot I just be happy to categorize them as drop-outs? No, they violently drag me out of my little sense of safety. You think so because you're under social control without knowing. You think you're a subject when being subjected; you think it's objective when everying is actually subjective... It's enough! I'm a major of literature, not sociology, not philosophy, not linguistics, not morality education, not history, not medicine yet they're so intervened that I feel overwhelmed to figure them out. 

Hall, Kuan-Hsing Chen, Race, Ahmed, Hans, Blake, Amie, David all say it's to make room for possibility. Well, well, well. I guess I cannot retreat to my little safe zone anymore. It's really tough to choose not to follow the mainstream. In fact, they don't ask me not to follow the mainstream. They just suggest, imply, help, induce, force me to think, such as why I buy ice cream instead of drugs for pleasure, why I think I'm happier than beggers and something that we take for granted. Gosh! How crazy they are! How uneasy I feel when following their path for the room of "possiblility"? What will possibly happen on earth? I hope God could grasp me more closely so that I won't get lost on my path; yet it also makes me uneasy sometimes because it's so different from the mainstream value too. No matter what path I walk, stumble, crawl over, it's not flat, for sure.